The Four Ordeals of the Soul: Why Your Mind Might Be The Cage

Series Intro: Unbinding the Mental Tethers That Keep You From Your Evolution

Most people aren’t stuck because they’re lazy - they’re stuck because they’re mentally entangled in stories that no longer serve their soul.

They don’t realize their greatest attachment isn’t to a person or a dream….its to an idea of who they think they’re supposed to be.

And that attachment - subtle, mental, socially reinforced - is one of the biggest blocks to evolution.

Quick Primer: The Four Ordeals

In Western mystery traditions - initiation isn’t merely ceremonial. It unfolds through four elemental “ordeals” which we all experience in life. Each designed to strip you of a different illusion and help you grow along your evolutionary soul path. Earth confronts attachment to security and the material plane; Air exposes mental constructs and identity narratives; Water drowns false emotional dependencies and fantasy; Fire incinerates ego-will and unaligned desire. Together, these ordeals create a step-by-step initiation - each one burning away the layers of who you thought you had to be, so your true self can rise in its place. Once reserved for ritual and dreamwork, their deeper truth is this: life itself becomes the ritual once you choose to grow.

Each ordeal tests you on a fundamental level:

• Earth tests your attachment to safety, structure, survival.

• Water tests your emotional truth and capacity to feel without drowning.

• Air tests your mind: your thoughts, narratives, and your need to know.

• Fire tests your will: your ego, anger, and fear of dissolving all control.

And if you’re reading this?

You’re probably standing in the middle of the Ordeal of Air.

The Ordeal of Air: When Understanding Becomes the Addiction

This ordeal doesn’t always look like trauma. It often looks like clarity seeking, self-regulation, attachment to someone or something, or spiritual insight. But it can easily become a cage.

Here a few ways it can show up:

• Replaying conversations to figure out “what you did wrong”

• Overanalyzing a betrayal instead of grieving it

• Using spiritual language to bypass emotional truth

• Silencing yourself to preserve someone' else’s image of you

• Trying to explain yourself into worthiness

• Stalling a decision until every possible outcome has been predicted and analyzed

• Identity performance.- clinging to a role (“the wise one”, the “understanding one”, the “peaceful one”, etc) so much that you lose your ability to feel anger or set healthy boundaries

• Staying in the mind to avoid the body - thinking becomes a safe escape from embodiment.

• Chasing closure that doesn’t exist - can you let the story end without fully understanding why?

• Mentally locked in justice logic - the soul doesn’t speak in fairness, it speaks in truth. And, sometimes the truth is unfair but freeing.

Air is the realm of the mind, and it will convince you that if you just understand enough, you’ll finally be safe.

It is seductive because it mimics safety.

If you can understand it, name it, explain it - then surely you can control it.

But here is the truth - evolution doesn’t live in your mind.

It lives in the rupture.

In the death of the story.

In the moment you stop analyzing and start embodying.

In the moment you consciously stop a pattern that has held you back, reframe how you are seeing things, and choose differently.

When you finally release the need to be seen, and choose to be real.

This is the lesson of Pluto in the air signs - and for those of us generationally with Pluto in Libra (like me), this isn’t just conceptual spiritual theory.

This is soul initiation.

It’s personal.

It’s karmic.

It’s now.

Why This Series Now?

Because we are collectively being thrown into the Ordeal of Air as Pluto moves through Aquarius (an air sign) from 2023-2043.

We’re actively watching ideologies fracture, belief systems collapse, mental identities unravel.

And, we’re being asked to contemplate:

• Can you release the story and still trust your soul?

• Can you breathe through the ego death of being misunderstood, unseen, or wrong?

Pluto doesn’t politely ask.

It rips the mental tether free and dares you to fly.

It doesn’t consider intention or feelings. It simply wants you to strip away any tether that binds your soul from becoming its freest, most embodied, authentic, aligned, and alive self.

And, it will do so whether you are ready for it to or not.

This series is for those of you:

• Who are breaking free from relational enmeshment and identity loops.

• Who have used over-preparing and understanding as a safety mechanism (I know I certainly am guilty of this!).

• Who are being asked to think less and feel more.

• Who are ready to finally stop performing and start embodying.

What You’ll Learn In This Series

In the weeks ahead, we’ll walk through:

• The hidden ways your mind keeps you bound (even in healing spaces).

• Why your “need for clarity” might actually be a trauma loop.

• The karmic soul contracts of Air: Pluto in Libra and Aquarius and why you’re feeling it now.

• Breaking mental tethers and psychic attachments that aren’t serving your evolution.

• Reclaiming your power when being midunderstood - and embracing how this is part of your path.

• Initiatory breath work, ritual ideas, and thought deconstruction practices for mental liberation.

• How Pluto through the 4 elements (Capricorn —> Aquarius —> Pisces —> Aries) is burning through the collective soul story.

Each post will include both insights from an esoteric and evolutionary perspective as well as useful tips and invitations to help unbind yourself.

This is not about being more healed, more right, or more enlightened.

This is about becoming more authentic….more you.

The Invitation

You’ve tried being wise.

You’ve tried being palatable.

You’ve tried being so understandable, so well-spoken, so spiritually “together” and relatable that no one could possibly misunderstand you.

And still - your soul aches.

Because the truth is…

You can’t think your way into transformation.

And trying to explain yourself into worthiness will never set you free.

This series isn’t here to validate your story.

It’s here to help you unwrite it - so something deeper - more meaningful, aligned, and authentic to you - can finally take root.

A version of you exists on the other side of identity loops, overthinking spirals, and the performance of healing.

She doesn’t need to be understood.

She needs to be remembered.

So if you’re done trading truth for clarity…

If you’re ready to stop contorting yourself to be seen…

Then step into this fire.

Let the wind tear the words from your mouth.

Let the breath return to your body.

Let your soul speak - not to be understood, but to be unbound.

Your evolution doesn’t need your explanation to anyone else.

It needs your yes.

Next Week In the Series:

The Mind as a Cage: Why Understanding Isn’t the Same as Healing

I’m excited to explore and unpack these with you!

Wishing you much love along your journey - this week and always,

Seraph

When the Skin Speaks: Eczema, Mars in Leo, Saturn in Aries, & The Body’s Call To Move

Note: This post is a little more personal than usual, but I feel like this is an important part of my Chiron Return journey and I promised to share as I grow this year. If you are navigating skin or body issues, shame or frustration with slow healing, I hope this post brings you encouragement and grounding.

I find the whispers of our body to be an uncannily insightful gift in so many different ways.

But, I will be honest, I didn’t expect a small patch of eczema to become the random mouthpiece for my soul.

It showed up one morning out of the blue on my right calf - red, inflamed, and oddly fierce. Intense itching. At first, I treated it like a minor inconvenience. Baffled by what may have caused it but thought perhaps I had somehow brushed against poison oak and hadn’t realized it - and mentally brushed it off. A pattern I often do….subtly dismissing my body’s whispers. But, as the days passed and nothing seemed to calm it down, I began to soften, quiet my mind - and listen.

And what I finally heard changed everything.

The Body Always Speaks First

I’ve spent years unearthing my wounds. I know how to track trauma, decode patterns, map astrology, and follow the breadcrumbs of ancestral pain and wounding.

But this was different.

This time, my body was telling me the truth faster than I could process it.

Not gently. Not quietly.

It was itchy. Inflamed. Angry. Raw.

Like some part of me had finally had enough of being held back, silenced, polished, and composed.

This wasn’t just a first breakout of eczema.

This was a flare-up of suppressed fire.

The Astrology Behind the Flare

When the eczema first appeared, Mars had just entered Leo - my 1st house of identity, body, and selfhood. The house of physicality and raw self-expression.

Mars is movement, will, rage, and desire.

Leo is visibility, radiance, deep self love, and self-expression.

It was activating my Leo Rising - also a leg of my natal yod pattern - and, energetically speaking, it was lighting a match.

At the same time, Saturn was transiting over my natal Sun in Aries - opposing my natal Pluto and activating a square to my natal Saturn and Mars in Cancer in the 12th house. And, simultaneously, my Chiron Return was also beginning - square to that same Saturn. And square to my natal Moon in Capricorn.

If that all sounds intense- it was.

A grand cross of pressure.

A karmic reckoning.

A soul initiation coded in inflammation.

Because here’s the truth:

You can’t keep moving forward in your purpose if your body is still wired to believe it’s not safe to be seen.

Saturn was saying: Refine your identity. Mature your truth.

Mars was saying: Move. Burn. Become. Shed the patterns you have outgrown and hold you back.

And my nervous system? It was still holding onto decades of frozen, deeply embedded survival strategies.

That eczema patch was a flare-up of trapped fire, trying to escape.

Why My Body Reacted: The Ancestral Freeze Pattern

Eczema isn’t random. It’s heat without a home.

And it often appears where the soul is trying to evolve, but the body hasn’t caught up yet.

I carry a legacy of silence.

Of women who smiled instead of screamed.

Who braced instead of ran.

Who mothered, mended, and made do - while their own bodies slowly stiffened with unspoken pain. Lost dreams. Emotional suppression. Forgotten worth.

Mars and Saturn in Cancer in my 12th House = inherited emotional armor.

It taught me at a very young age to read a room - to hold it all together, protect everyone else, and to never make a scene.

But now? With Mars roaring through Leo and Chiron flaring in Aries?

My body broke rank.

It finally broke through and said: No more false safety. No survival-first any longer. No more silence or self-subjugation.

The skin opened. The truth escaped.

It forced me to stop and see the deeper message…and, the pattern.

The Calf & The Right Side: The Sacred Symbolism

Eczema on my right calf wasn’t random.

The right side of the body holds masculine energy: action, visibility, forward motion.

The calf is about momentum - it is one of the muscles that helps us to walk, run, move.

And the skin? It is our boundary - the line between inside and out, between self and the world. Not surprising, it is ruled by Saturn.

So when my soul said: Go.

My nervous system still sat in its protective armor and said: Wait. It’s not safe yet. I’m not ready to be seen; it still doesn’t feel safe.

My body said: This won’t work. There’s an energetic mismatch and you aren’t living in your full truth and purpose.

And, ultimately, it expressed the fire that desired to help push me forward on my path, somatically….and I developed eczema.

Not because my body is failing.

But because my body was the only one in the room telling the truth.

Putting it all together?

My body was saying: You want to move forward, but something inside you still feels unsafe to be seen.

You’re trying to shed your old identity, but you’re still wrapped in ancestral armor. It’s time to trust and surrender - heal and grow.

You would have to see my whole chart to see how very deeply this resonated with me at my core.

The Fire That Has No Place To Go

This was rage I hadn’t named.

Desire I hadn’t owned.

Visibility I hadn’t allowed.

It wasn’t mental. It was cellular.

My body had become a containment field for every time I had wanted to say:

• I’m not ok.

• This isn’t working.

• I want more.

• What legacy am I building towards?

Instead of screaming, I smiled. Instead of changing deep course, I simply worked harder.

Instead of moving, I continued to give to others. I managed. I accepted. I dissociated.

Ultimately, I did what I often do best - I ignored. I dismissed the many whispers that had come before this.

Until my skin couldn’t hold the contradiction anymore.

The Ritual That Changed Everything

I stopped running a few months ago - because of time, weather, and truthfully, a lack of prioritizing myself.

But when I pieced this all together, I heard the message very clearly:

You need to move. You need to burn clean. You need to reclaim motion as medicine.

So, I started running again - not as punishment, but as ritual.

Because the only way to clear - to truly move the element of fire - is to physically move the energy.

Each morning, I now:

• Touch my right calf and say: I hear you. I’m listening and I am ready.

• Run to mantras like “I am fire”, “I am free”, “I am safe to be fully me”

Each day I chose to run was a reclamation.

Not just of my health - but of my voice, my will, my radiance, and my right to be here in full, unapologetic flame.

A New Kind of Healing

After each run, I’d anoint my leg with a sacred oil blend that I made - blue tansy for soothing fire, rose for softness, frankincense for identity reclamation.

I’d breathe. I’d listen. I’d stop forcing.

And slowly…my body stopped bracing.

My skin began to soften.

The fire became less itchy. Less inflamed. More integrated. Until finally, it healed in full.

And the changes that stirred? Not only did the eczema soften, but so did my inner landscape.

I began to embody what my soul had been calling me towards.

Reflections: What I’ve Learned

• That my quick mental processing while a gift, also creates a subconscious disconnect allowing me to intellectually grasp things quickly while also bypassing the emotional embodiment of my experiences - subconsciously feeding into a deeply embedded and ancestral pattern of emotional suppression. Reminding me that quick understanding is not the same as deep embodiment.

• That my skin is not betraying me - it’s translating my truth; that my body is speaking to me. I simply have to be present and take intentional time each day, to listen to it.

• That movement, when rooted in presence, is sacred.

This healing journey isn’t about fixing a skin condition.

Or, about being concerned with another autoimmune disease.

This isn’t just about eczema.

This is about what happens when your body is finally safe enough to speak and be witnessed.

And it has tested me, subtly, to see if I am truly listening.

It’s ultimately a reminder about the importance of presence, embodiment, and listening to my body.

It’s about learning to trust the fire in my body again. To trust and honor my feelings -and my soul.

To learn to let Mars move through me - not burn beneath me.

Sometimes the healing begins not when you apply the cream, but when you stop apologizing for your fire.

Your Invitation

If you’ve been dealing with strange symptoms - skin flares, fatigue, emotional spikes, or other body blockages - ask yourself:

• Where am I holding back my truth?

• What truth is trying to surface?

• What motion have I stopped out of fear?

• What fire have I silenced?

Your body isn’t resisting you.

It’s speaking to you.

You are not broken.

You are just becoming too real to stay inside of the old armor.

You are being called to release and outgrow old patterns.

You are being asked to surrender, trust, and step into new growth.

And when you start moving from soul, and shifting out of survival -

You don’t just heal your skin.

You reclaim your radiance.

Chiron Return Activation: Notes from the Chiron Threshold

Every one of us carries a wound. The pain of which, runs so deep that some of us spend a lifetime running from it. Others- meet it head-on and alchemize it into something sacred.

I’ve just crossed into a major threshold in the world of astrology known as my Chiron Return. This mid-life cycle is something that none of us escape, and usually occurs between the ages of 49-51. It marks the time when Chiron, known as the archetype of the Wounded Healer, returns to the exact place in the sky that it was when we were born.

My Chiron is in Aries in the 9th house - the part of our chart that deals with truth, spiritual calling, teaching, and visibility. It sits tightly conjunct my Jupiter and directly squares my Saturn. Aries, the cardinal first energy of the zodiac, embodies the energy of "I AM” - our identity and speaks to our self-trust, courage, and the fire we hold inside ourselves to claim and fully own our own voice. But, Chiron, placed here, doesn’t roar - it hesitates. It fears being too much, or perhaps not enough. It is the stirring inside that knows it is created to lead but doubts deeply if you deserve to.

This wound has lived in me for a long time. I embody many of the characteristics of Aries as I hold a large stellium there - but I’ve often played small. I’ve often stayed silent. I’ve doubted deeply my own worth in many rooms and circles where my wisdom belonged. I’ve held back out of fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of misunderstanding. Fear of failure.

But now? Now, I am being asked to boldly step into this journey of self-discovery, ripping off the well worn and hidden band-aid to a deep wound I’d rather not face and not only look at it fully, but to turn that wound into medicine.

This return isn’t simply about healing - it is about actively embodying my role as a teacher, healer, guide, and mother. It is about building something that can hold others as they walk through their own initiations. A blog. A circle. A sacred offering I’ve yet to flesh out. A new way of showing up for myself and others.

I don’t know yet what all of this will become. But, I do know that I have made a commitment to say yes. To say yes to myself; to showing up, doing the work, and telling myself the truth and facing the parts of myself that perhaps I’d rather have stay hidden and protected. To saying yes to what I’m being called to build. And ultimately, to saying yes to the divine fire inside me that I have always held sacred - and while I may have allowed that light to dim at times, I have never let it go out.

Maybe you are feeling something stir in your own life too. Something old resurfacing, something deeper within you that is calling. It doesn’t have to be your Chiron wound. A soul longing, a calling, a whisper for change - these all come in different forms and packaging - but our soul recognizes them when they do stir. And, when they do, know that you are not alone. Know that thousands of us are walking this same path of self discovery with you. And this is just one of those stories - meant to encourage, inspire, and help shine a light you can carry along your way.

I’ll be sharing my journey with you here, as it unfolds. One truth. One wound at a time. I can’t promise that it won’t be messy, sprinkled with some unexpected drama (spoiler alert, the first 3 weeks of this transit have unfolded with far more wild, unexpected drama than I could have possibly ever predicted - and, perhaps the most intense spiritual initiation of my life!), or that it won’t be raw at times, but I can promise you that it will be real. And my hope is that it helps empower you. Letting you know you are seen and not alone on your own path.

With Love,

Seraphina Thorne

I walk with the ancestors. I rise with the stars.